I recently had a woman come to me who was still emotionally enmeshed with her ex three years after their break-up. I did some research on the Web for spells to help her finally release herself from the relationship but found to my horror that almost everything I could find was for breaking up someone else’s relationship, or even trying to cause a divorce!
These spells are highly unethical. They will also rebound on the casters three times over, making their own relationships unfulfilling. It is just plain wrong to try to bend another person to your will.
So I turned to my trusty old copy of Ray Buckland’s Complete Book of Witchcraft and found a handparting rite. Alas, it lacks emotional depth. So I created two spells based on simple practical magic for those times when the relationship has officially ended but you find your self unable to let go. The key thing to remember is to focus on freeing yourself from the tendrils that bind you, rather than trying to manipulate the will of your ex. Abide by the Rede: “If it harms none, do what you will.”
Begin your ritual in your customary way, whether it’s by calling the Quarters or casting a Circle or what have you. State your intentions to the Divine. Then briefly tell the story of the relationship. Allow yourself to express any emotions that come up. If you’re still enmeshed, you may still feel sorrow or anger or even nostalgic joy. You will likely feel longing for something which has now passed. Let these emotions come, feel them fully, then let them go.
For this spell, you’ll need three candles and a piece of string. Choose one candle each to represent each of you. The third candle should be black, which is excellent for banishment and dispersement. You’ll also need a fireproof surface of some sort (a trivet might work nicley).
Bind together the two candles representing your and your ex while intoning, “This is the relationship as it was.” Visualize the union of the relationship, warts and all. Be honest with yourself—don’t sugarcoat it.
Light the black candle and say, “This is my choice, this is my power.” Burn through the string so that it falls away from the candles onto the fireproof surface while intoning, “I release my self from this bond, for the good of all, and it harm none.”
Move the colored candles apart. Place the black candle in between them. Say, “This is the relationship as it is now.” Visualize yourself and your ex with some space between you. Feel the freedom that comes as you release the bonds that held you to them.
Start moving the candles apart, placing them a little farther away from each other each time, pausing to visualize more space between you and your ex. Every time you pause, repeat “I am free” and “I release myself.” Continue to visualize yourself as a free and independent being living a full and happy life.
Keep moving the colored candles until they are as far apart as possible, with the black candle still remaining in the center. Allow the candles to burn themselves out (never leave burning candles unattended!), all the while visualizing yourself freely moving onto the next cycle of your path.
This is a more energetic spell that involves less visualization and more practical physicality. For this you’ll need some string and a stone to represent your ex. It should feel a little heavy in the hand but should be small enough that you can enclose it in your fist. You’ll also need a fireproof surface.
Bind your dominant hand with the string while holding the stone in it.
Holding the two of you in your heart and your mind’s eye, say, “I thank [their name] for the gifts and joys our relationship shared. I declare that relationship at an end.”
Unbind your dominant hand while saying, “No longer is my fate bound to hers/his. I am free to go my separate way. I release all ties and step into my power as a separate and free individual. For the good of all, and it harm none.”
Burn the string, visualizing any lingering bonds burning away in purifying fire. Then go outside if you’re not there already and throw the stone away from you as far as you can.
Give thanks to the Divine for lending its aid and call on your guardians and guides to help you maintain your new resolve. In extreme cases, it may be necessary to go cold turkey on the other person for a while, releasing all contemplation of the relationship until you have regained your objectivity. Don’t revert to rehashing old times with your friends. Truly release the relationship back to the Earth and let Mama recycle it in its next form. It’s no longer yours to carry.
I hope these spells are helpful and wish you all the best as you step into your best future! Blessed Be.