Lotus nerves

September 11, 2009

Bwah. Bwah!! My chest feels like someone grabbed all of my major organs and twisted them around into a viciously tight spiral. Voof!

I’m thinking about Lotus almost constantly. Well, I sorta have to, in order to prep. But to this degree??

I’m most worried about my performance on Gazapkhuli, this phenomenally gorgeous piece from Georgia (the country, not the state). It only goes to an F# or so but I’m trying to do it very quietly. I just don’t have the chops for this stuff anymore! I practice it most days, trying to imagine just how nervous I’ll be when performing, in order to help prep myself for the inevitable shifts in my range that come when I’m nervous.

I put the piece near the top of the set both nights in order to get it over with quickly. We performed it at Emeriti House the other night (what a great time we had!!) and, wouldn’t you know it, my damn recorder’s batteries died. All I know is that I performed the song with my eyes closed most of the time. I have no idea if that helped. 🙂

Totally off-topic, I just finished watching season 4 of Monarch of the Glen, this BBC series from the “early oughts (aughts??),” as Gabe would say. The first season was daffily brilliant, with eccentric characters and goofy situations. Good, clean fun. Then it all went downhill as it progressively turned into a draaaaamaaaa.

Anyway, my point is that I now have Lexie’s voice in my head constantly, with her Glaswegian brogue. And no way to reproduce it. And this is totally irrelevant. Except that that’s the background music to my Lotus life.

Part of me wants to encourage this anxious obsession with all things Lotus so that I’ll make myself sick of it by the time everything rolls around. Then I can just approach it like any other gig. I’m not sure that’s the best strategy, however, since I don’t think wandering around with your chest twisted into a spiral is the best plan. I’ll just have to pull up my pantyhose and walk on through!